The Investigative Measures of the Crayfish Kill, Part 2

As a courtesy…I mailed off copies of Issue #1 of the Lee & Ogle County EcoVig, to those I desperately wanted to talk directly to, ask logical questions of: Stan, that pilot who’d dumped all those deadly toxins upon Grove Creek; and who knows how many other aquatic environments? And Warren D. Goetsch, the environmental bureau chief of the IL. Dept. of Ag. who’d awarded Stan the blind pilot with a mere slap on the wrist fer his direct hit on above mentioned creek. I waited a full week ta make sure the mail did its job. Then it was time ta call and try ta set up some sorta interview.

CHURCH OF THE EARTH FISTERS

I’d explained this move during a visit of other parishioners at the first gathering of the Washington Grove Chapter of the “Church Of The Earth First”: COTEF. In attendance was the right Reverend Marques Morel; newly ordained I might add. And also, ordained out here ‘round the camp fire by me. I’d gotten a certificate ta be an ordinator through this correspondence course from school in LA. I’m takin’ one now on self ordination. Interestin’.

Present, too, was this chatty lady, Dina. She’s sorta “COTEF’s” moral and technical advisor. She’s got this weird Colorado/California way of speakin’ that strikes most midwestern's ears as strange, makin’ her seem sorta “Valley Girl not too smart,” but then ya get the hang of what she’s sayin’ and ya find out that she’s not stupid at all.

Also present, “Ruby May Glamper, of past DeKalb County “Vigilante” fame.

We were havin’ a generally hilarious evening, congratulating ourselves there in smoke filled air fer getting’ this first chapter of “COTEF” off the ground. It was agreed that our next logical move was fer me ta try and arrange contact with Stan and Warren mentioned above. Wow! Did we ever have a basketful of questions.

We discussed some “COTEF” rules fer membership, and decided that we’d just as soon not bother. Hell, anyone could join, and unjoin if they wanted ta, too. The only requirement asked was a proclivity towards savin’, protectin’ the earth. Didn’t matter yer religion er lack of it, or what yer political affiliations are er were.

I told ‘em of my planned calls ta Stan and Warren.

“Where do you think that will lead us, dude?” Dina asked.

I prognosticated that most likely I’d run inta stone walls. Springfield er Walnut, I was ready and willin’ ta do the drivin’ if either said yes. And I’d settle for an interview on phone.

PHONE WENT DEAD

Woodly Aerial Spraying, I call first. A fella answers but it wasn’t Stan. I introduce myself, tell the gent that I’m lead reporter fer the Lee & Ogle EcoVig and I’d like to interview Stan with regards to the warning letter fer sprayin’ violations he’d gotten.

Perhaps this was the wrong approach. “You’ll not be talking to anyone from here!” was his terse response. The phone went dead.

Damn…now how was I gonna get answers from Stan to our questions?

My first one was gonna be, Stan, do you realize what kind of eco havoc you’re causin’, how grand the scale? My guess is, most likely not. If he did understand it, I don’t know how he could justify makin’ a livin’ like that. I know I sure as hell wouldn’t want to walk around with that kinda weight.

I’m also bettin’ that Stan doesn’t, hasn’t had, any kind of eco responsibility training, no deep understanding of what an eco system is, like I’m giving my great grandson, T.J.

Before you sprayed Grove Creek, Stan, did you have a good understandin’ of just how lethal the load you dumped was? I don’t think you’re mean-spirited, Stan. But I do think you’re ignorant. If I could put you through the same course I’m puttin’ T.J. through, I don’t think you’d spread so much death around anymore.

SECOND PHONE CALL GOES NO PLACE, ALSO.

When I try at IL Dept. of Ag, I get almost same results. A sectretary passes me off to a department spokeperson who doesn’t let me get through to Warren.

To Warren I like to talk about whether er not he had any ecology training? What does the guy who’s charged with protecting the environment actually know? Ever had a course in aquatic biology, limnology, Warren? Do you understand things like the downstream killing’ range of the lethal stuff yer supposta be policin’? Do you know anything about the synergies when such lethal cocktails as that which got dumped inta Grove Creek get combined?

My bet, my guess, is that the majority of yer answers ta the above questions would be “No.” And considerin’ your position I find that pretty sad.

I wanted ta ask ya about your eyesight, too, Warren. Your investigator provided you with very good, clear photographical evidence that it would be all but impossible fer poor Stan ta miss the fact of Grove Creek and the adjacent large ponds existed, couldn’t be missed from his cockpit there with birds-eye view in the air. Now, either you didn’t review your investigator’s evidence, er maybe you couldn’t see the impossibility of Stan missin’ all that water from up there. (Have you ever flown in a small plane?)

Seeing fer yourself all that gathered evidence, how in the hell could you swallow Stan’s lame excuse!? I guess ya can’t see what ya don’t want ta see, er yer told not ta see. 

Either way, you’ve got a sight problem, Warren.